i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
