Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
