Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Randomize
