okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
