genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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