After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
