Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
