I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
