Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
