so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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