when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
