My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
