oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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