I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
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