Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
