I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
