dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
