jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
