Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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