you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
