he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
