We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
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Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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