she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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