Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
