turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
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The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
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Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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