An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
