Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
