R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i just made my gag reflex go away.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
