she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
