It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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