Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She bit a glass in half.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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