If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
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My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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