but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
