Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Operation Purity has been aborted
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I believe in your delicious
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
