i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
