You're my little dorito
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
