the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
