He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
