so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
