I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
