I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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