I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
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The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
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From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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