guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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