remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
