did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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