i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
