Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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