yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
