i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
