How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
