just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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