FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
3pm strippers are depressing
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
