this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
