I bet he comes in French.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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