My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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