Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
