if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I need to wash the frat house off of me
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
