If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
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He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
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When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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