never play flip cup with pint glasses
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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