my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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