his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
